AQAAZSAW Lifestyle magazine.

My Bloody Valentine 3D – A Review

Perhaps cinema has reached a telefonnummer hard pressed to surpass, but what you have to admire about cinema is that it never stops trying.

When My Bloody Valentine 3D teased me with its trailer, I was salivating for blood and guts spewing off of the big screen. Sadly to say, I did not get what I had hoped for but I did get 101 minutes of bloody entertainment.

One thing to note however is that if you set out to make a movie in 3D featuring a masked serial killer sporting a pick ax, you might want to make sure you have the die hard horror fans hooked with projectile body parts and incredible 3D cinematography. Oh sure, the fair weather fan of the genre will be screaming occasionally while ducking from a stray piece of jawbone or randomly bobbing their heads in a comical attempt to avoid a sharp object two, but the die hard horror fan (people like me) might feel somewhat slighted. Oh there is blood - there has to be plenty of blood by today’s standards - but I was left wanting a little more.

Some of you might recognize My Bloody Valentine as being a remake of the 1981 horror gem in which Harry Warden, a local miner, goes nuts and starts offing his co-workers with a pick ax. And when his killing spree is over, and Harry is pronounced dead, only one miner remains standing.

Or so the town thinks.

mbv3dA year later with thoughts of illicit sex and multiple kegs of alcohol, a group of kids decide it’s a smart idea to have a party in the very mine where Harry Warden went berserk. Needless to say the idea turned out to be not so smart when a “revived” Harry Warden, donning miner suit and mask, shows up unexpectedly and goes on yet another blood quest, killing a multitude of teenagers in prime exploitation slasher glory. It was so beautifully awful that one couldn’t help but love every minute of it!

Flash forward another 10 years, and we find the town in upheaval as the owner of the mine has passed and his son Tom (played by Jensen Ackles of Supernatural) deciding it would be best to sell the mine to “outsiders.” Being as Tom was the only surviving miner of Harry’s first killing spree, and one of the few surviving teenagers of the 2nd killing spree, he wants no ties to their little corner of the world by hanging on to the cursed mine.

The plot is typical for this genre, introducing us to alluring girl-next-door Sarah (Jaime King), the former love of Tom’s life, and her hot tempered cheating husband Axel (Kerr Smith), Tom’s former rival and now town sheriff, which ultimately presents a love triangle between the three. Pair this with the random murders happening yet again, and you have a plot that keeps you guessing until the end as to who the bad guy really is.

My Bloody Valentine 3D offers more than it’s share in B movie criteria. Among them is a scene that occurs outside a motel. Young Irene (Betsy Rue), one of the party survivors, is having a bit of a spat with her truck driving “boyfriend” for filming their tryst in the hotel room. She chases him out to his rig in the nude, and ends up fleeing (also in the nude) from a killer donning a miner’s mask and toting a pick ax. Hmmm… that seems familiar….

What happens next is murder after murder, all at the hands of an unseen foe decked out in miner suit and pick ax. Needless to say the murderer always manages to disappear seconds after his heinous crimes, and leaves no traces in his wake. Reality would dictate this being somewhat impossible, but we don’t watch these movies for their believability factor. We watch them to be scared, and while us die hard horror fanatics may have been only mildly, I think the suspense factor and added B movie effects helped make up for it.

Standard for B movies, there is an air of campiness around this one (one of the things I love about the genre) that helps in keeping it entertaining. What I also loved about this movie is that it actually kept me guessing until the end who the actual killer was. Not usually an easy task.

As with most slasher films of the 70’s and 80’s - OK, as with most all slasher films - you won’t find any really great acting in this movie (as evidenced by the casting of Tom Atkins who was rather perfect for the role) but do we really need it? As long as there are some gratuitous boob shots, ample blood spillage, occasional shock effects and the actors are really cute, what else do we need? This genre of movie simply works if the carnage startles you and makes you laugh all at the same time.

For me, My Bloody Valentine 3D did that. But the 3D side of things? Definitely overrated. Only once or twice did I feel like something was shooting out of the screen at me. And boy do those damned 3D glasses hurt! My nose was dented for almost 3 hours after the movie was over. And it’s not like you can take them off or else the movie is all fuzzy. Very weird, and a feature I feel is very overrated.)

Sidebar: I also hear they are remaking The House on Sorority Row. Being as that is the ONLY horror movie I ever walked out of, I am curious to see how well they deliver it.